argh! i need to spend a coupla weeks just doodling and sketching my RSoM characters to get used to drawing them and get their designs down...but i'm too scared! i'm really worried they're going to turn out looking really crap, and i know the only way to get them looking decent is to suck it in and just get on with drawing them, but it's really hard!

...how can so many artists enjoy drawing characters more than backgrounds? drawing characters is scary and very hard >.< *quakes in boots and peeks over at blank sketchpad*

i might try and make myself draw them each day (just quick doodles), as well as getting on with doing some life drawing (people/vehicles/objects) each day too...i need to improve my drawing abilities and learn to be better!

urgh...i'm working myself up too much about this, i just need to get started even if my initial sketches turn out really bad >.< i envy anyone who can just doodle random characters ^^;;

(oo...but in less angsty news, i won an ebay auction for We Love Katamari today! got a UK version for £27, way better then the £50-60 people were charging on play! it was my first ebay purchase, so i'm glad it went OK ^^;; )

Tags: angst, art, games, random, rsom
aroundabout now, i am: worried

i think my lovely sony 19" LCD monitor might be on its way out...i'm getting fine dark lines going across the screen (and i was getting burnt in images but they should clear up now i've got a pure white screensaver that will be on at night - the wonders of internet research!) ...but yeah, can't seem to find anything that will help me with the fine lines...

the pity is i've only had it for about 3 years ;_; maybe i should look into trying to get it repaired, if that's possible... -_-

Tags: angst
aroundabout now, i am: depressed

another job opportunity played for and missed ;_;

ah well you only get 1 life and i guess i'd rather spend it striving for what i want most rather than working in some random crap job...

...altho its kind of annoying that this particular employer has exams for their applications and i've now done 3 sets this year - *go me!*

/irony

urgh...

Tags: angst, work
aroundabout now, i am: depressed

randomly i was really stressed earlier this evening, which is strange because i don't really suffer from random semi-unexplained stress attacks >.<

i think it must be a subconscious mix of lots of things, seeing as today has been no more stressful than any other day of this year i wouldn't have thought o.O;

i think it was probably a mixture of
- insane amounts of washing up and rubbish piling up in the kitchen and needing to be dealt with
- the rubbish collectors randomly not coming around our area last week meaning both our bins are now full, so if we do take the rubbish out we have to leave it in the hallway until they (hopefully) come to get it on thursday
- my website look-and-feel mock-up taking 5.5 days when it should have taken 2 >.< (which is what i quoted for >.< )
- the general stress of not having a job and having to be so focused on portfolio work just generally wearing me down...its been a heavy year ^^;;

and perhaps the fact that we walked to town, around town and back last night to see the fireworks might have had a hand in it too i guess (its about an hour's walk either way to town ^^; )

and it doesn't help that i sent my website mock up to mum today for crit before i send it to the client and it doesn't look like she's checked her emails since 4 or so - i guess she must have been out, but i just really want to get it sent off! >.<

in slightly happier news, we copped out on cooking dinner because we were both so stressed n tired form cleaning and got an indian from the cambridge curry centre (the black place on castle hill - they do free delivery!) - it was really good! best indian i've had in, well, years actually - i would greatly recommend it ^_^

so hopefully the rest of the night will be more stress-free -_- i'm planning on having a cup of tea, perhaps finishing the CLM strip i'm working on, and then watching some gantz, which i'm really getting into ATM ^^

here's hoping tomorrow is a better day....

Tags: angst, random
aroundabout now, i am: stressed

( i had to get that off my chest )

Tags: angst, weight
aroundabout now, i am: shocked

sitting by the phone on tenderhooks for 2 days has been horrible >.<

i know its only been a little while, but i'm a bit disheartened that they didn't get back to me within the 1st couple of days...maybe because for both my and lee's last job applications we were working for the company within a couple of days of applying to them lol! (altho im pretty sure the fast-tracking is an exception rather than the rule)

*sighs* i'm going to give them a week, and if there's been no communication by then, maybe send a followup email or phone call...then try and find something else i suppose *trying hard not to think about the avenues there that i don't want to have to take again* ;_;

on the plus side i'm toning the 2nd to last of my SD doujinshi pages now, so unless i give up for the evening they should be done tonight...i think they've come out pretty well (except for one of the character's eyes being way off position in the last panel, but i've hopefully fixed that now with photoshop)

i haven't had a day where i've achieved so little in ages...really should have cleaned the house but i've got no motivation...

Tags: angst, sd doujinshi, work
aroundabout now, i am: discontent